Continuing our theme of exploring how virtues show up in the different spheres of our lives, this week we are focused on Flexibility. The Virtues Project describes flexibility as "the ability to adapt and change amid the fluctuating circumstances of life. Going with the flow." Cultivating greater mental flexibility enables us to experience less stress and greater degrees of joy and happiness. Flexibility isn't just passively accepting our fate, but rather actively engaging with the opportunities that lie before us and letting go of our attempts to control the things which we cannot.
Imagine you are steering a boat down a river. You don't get to decide when rocks or rapids appear, but you can steer the boat down the best course, around or through the obstacles that arise. Flexibility is choosing your course, while acknowledging that the river is always changing.
Trying to control our circumstances or getting stuck in our thinking leads to rigidity, which limits our ability to be flexible. Here are three tips to help you cultivate greater mental flexibility.
1. Changing perspective - Will this matter in 5 days? 5 months? 5 years? If not, does it need to matter so much right now? Taking a longer view helps us gain perspective on a situation which can help loosen our need to control what is happening in our lives.
2. Examine your story - What story is your mind telling you about the change you're facing? Does it include future forecasting? Are you focusing on the negative outcomes vs the positive opportunities? Taking a close look at the validity of the stories we tell ourselves can help us let go of some of the stories that may not be helpful or may be keeping us stuck.
3. Channel surfing - Imagine your mind like a 24/7 streaming service. The thoughts keep coming in all the time, but you get to decide which stations or channels or shows you want to tune into. Is the channel you're tuned in helping you get where you want to go? Is it helping you build relationships? Experience more joy? Feel better emotionally? If not, tell it you're changing channels.
These brief ideas are just a starting point for cultivating greater mental flexibility, and beginning to practice one or more of them may yield some benefit the next time you find yourself resisting change or feeling mentally stuck.
Reflection Questions:
What value could I gain from improving my mental flexibility?
What areas or topics am I already flexible? What areas or topics do I tend to be more stuck?
What would 2% greater flexibility look like for me?
What metaphor or image helps me think of flexibility?
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